AMNESIA
by Donna McIntosh
Summary: A man awakens with Amnesia and all he can remember is the names Ennis and Rivers, or Riverton. He goes in search of his identity.
1. Chapter 1

Title: AMNESIA (Part l of 2 parts)

Author: Brokeback Mountain

Pairing: Jack and Ennis

Rating: NC-17 FRAO

Disclaimer: These characters belong to Annie Proulx; not me. I simply grovel at her feet.

Summary: Someone wakes up with Amnesia and all he can remember is the name Ennis. Is it his name? A family member or a friend; or even a town? He sets out to find the answers.

AMNESIA Part 1

(Somewhere in Texas)

He woke up; couldn't move. Arms, legs strapped down. Silence. The silence was frightening to him. Where was his noise? The voices stopped. He was alone. The only thing really bothering

him was the need to scratch his nose but couldn't because of the restraints. He cleared his throat and wondered where his noise was. Wondered when it was coming back. He missed it. He needed it.

There were voices now but they were different; louder, angrier. "You can't go in there!" a female voice protested. "You don't seem to understand Miss. This place is closing down. Dr. Mayne is going to jail; now you'd best step aside before you end up right along side him." A stern male voice warned.

The door swung open and there were people all around him; talking to him all at once, asking questions. He didn't know any of them, why they were there, what they wanted.

"Can't find much on this one. Least wise, not much that I can understand," a male voice was saying, "Just something about re-orientation, whatever the hell that is."

"Well find out what they been giving him and see what Doc Chamberlain wants us to do with him."

He didn't know who these people were but they were nice to him. Took the straps off and let him walk around the room and stuff. They talked to him too. Not like the others; always grim and silent. Food was good too. But he missed the noise. He tried to explain it to them but couldn't make the right words come out. All they seemed to be interested in was his name; kept asking that over and over again. He couldn't tell them. Wasn't sure himself; couldn't remember the others calling him a name. Guess he didn't have one, didn't matter anyway. What difference did

it make? He just wanted the noise back.

He did get some noises when they turned on the TV for him. The noise was different though. Silly stuff; didn't help much at all. He wanted HIS noise back. Voices telling him how things were supposed to be; how wonderful and beautiful the world was when everyone did what they were supposed to do. Strong assured voices, praising him, telling him he was a good person and good people did what they were supposed to do; what was expected of them. He needed that. Needed to know what he was supposed to do. Without the noise, he didn't know what he was supposed to do. It frightened him; the absence of his noise.

(Wyoming)

Ennis woke up again; tangled in the blankets. There'd be no more sleep for him tonight. He sat on the side of his bed and lit a cigarette. He'd been dreaming again, dreams of Jack. Out there

somewhere needing him, calling to him. But he couldn't find him. Kept riding all through the foot hills and the trail up to Brokeback but couldn't find him.

He scrubbed his knuckles across his eyes, stood up and walked to the closet door. He opened it and, once again, ran his fingers over the shirts hanging there. He still couldn't believe it. Jack just couldn't be dead. He had so much more he wanted to say to him. Things they needed to discuss, talk about. They should be making plans for their next visit. Instead he was alone here with nothing but memories. Thoughts of things they did, and regrets for the things they didn't do.

"Oh Jack...There's so much I wish I'd said; wish I'd done. If I had it to do over, I'd do things different, Jack. I swear!"

(Somewhere in Texas)

The sunshine felt good on his face. He liked walking on the grounds. It smelled good outside. It was better now. He could talk some. People smiled at him; stopped and chatted. He could

understand their words now and even say a few in return they seemed to understand. They all had the questions though. Questions he couldn't answer. Didn't really know what they were talking about most of the time. He told them over and over he didn't have a name but they still kept asking if he remembered. And other silly questions as well. Where did he live? Where was he born? What was his birthday? What was him Momma's and Daddy's names? What did they do for a living? He told them he didn't know the answers to their questions but they kept asking them anyway. Other than all the questions, things were pretty good. He still missed his noises though. Sometimes if he laid real still he could remember some of them and say them over and over again in his mind. It was almost like having them back again.

(Wyoming)

"Daddy please don't leave. The reception is just getting started," Junior begged her daddy; clinging to his arm.

"I need to be goin, honey. You know how I am with crowds. You just go along now with your new husband and get your picture took. Be sure and save one for me, OK now?" He hugged her and climbed into his beat-up old truck and drove off.

Tears stained his cheeks as he made his way back to his trailer. He had been worried when Junior first said she was getting married. He had never met Kurt but in the weeks before the wedding, he had made it a point of spending as much time with them as he could and it

eased those fears, seeing how much in love they were. Kurt was a good man and he'd do right by her.

He took out a whiskey bottle and drank from it. He liked doing that. It reminded him of when he and Jack would pass a bottle back and forth around the campfire. He laid his head on the table across his arms and let his mind wander to Jack. His one refuge in his loneliness was memories of Jack. It was all he had of him. All he needed right now. Memories of being held and caressed

and loved. They never said the words. It just never seemed necessary to either of them. They both just knew. He fell asleep there at the table; no dinner; like many nights before.

(Somewhere in Texas)

"The only name I can remember is Ennis; but I don't think it's my name; could be my daddy's. I just don't know. There's nothing there. It's all just...empty. I heard someone talking outside. I

thought he said his name was Ennis but he corrected me and said it was Dennis. I kept thinking 'bout that name and it didn't seem right. I think it's supposed to be Ennis." He looked around at the three doctors questioning him. "Is that someone I know? Can't you find out?"

"We'll do what we can, son, but it's not much to go on." they looked at one another. "How many Ennis's could there be in the Brownsville area?" "We'll cross reference that name with the missing persons file the police left. See if anything comes up."

(Wyoming)

"Get the hell out of my place, you drunken son of a bitch and don't come back!" He stumbled out into the street; looking for his truck.

"What the fuck! Don't like that place anyway." He couldn't get the key in the ignition so he decided to walk home. He woke the next morning on his front steps; keys at his feet. A neighbor was shaking him.

"Friend, you better get yourself inside. Storm's comin. You'll catch your death out here." He unlocked the door and helped Ennis inside. "Take care now and get some food in you.

You're skinny as a rail!" The door closed behind him and he was gone.

Ennis staggered to the bathroom and relieved himself; then returned to his kitchen and put some coffee on. He stood looking out his window at the barren landscape and his mind wandered to a tree covered mountain with a stream flowing; birds over head and the neighing of horses nearby. It was all gone now; nothing left but this empty trailer and an empty shell people called Ennis Del Mar.

(Somewhere in Texas)

"Rivers, that's all I can remember; something about rivers, or maybe Riverton. Maybe it's a place? I just keep gettin that name in my mind. Or it could be Ennis's last name. Ennis

Rivers...Riverton? Could you check and see if there's any Rivers around here?"

"We'll surely do that. Now is there anything more you can think of? Any places, or faces; any other names?"

"No. That's all there is. Well...there is one more thing. I can remember being in a pickup and driving. It's a long, long drive; takes me hours and hours. Some times, I'm happy when I'm driving and sometimes I'm cryin. Guess that doesn't mean much. Don't know why I even said it. Don't know what kind of truck it was but it was mine. I know that."

(Wyoming)

He stood with his closet door opened and touched the shirts; gently running his fingers over the blue denim. It was his usual routine. He liked to do it just before he went to bed each night. Thought it might bring dreams of Jack. Sometimes it worked and he'd be back there in that tent their first night; or just riding up that mountain, smelling the trees with the left-over drops from the rain the night before still damp on them, brushing against their shoulders as they passed by. And sometimes it would be the bad ones; strangers standing over Jack's broken body, laughing, having a good time, while Jack's life was slipping away in a slow trickle of blood running at their feet. Sometimes it would just be Jack's voice; calling to him; waiting for him.

(Somewhere in Texas)

"I'm fine now and I need to go. I gotta find out who I am and who this Ennis Riverton is. You sure you didn't find nothin on him; nothin at all?"

"No. No Ennis Riverton, or Rivers. We ran your finger prints and got nowhere there either. You must never have been fingerprinted before. Least ways, that's something good. We know you're not a criminal." He stood up from his desk, came around and took his patient's hand.

"I sure wish you'd stay longer. Maybe something will turn up."

"Nah, I gotta get on with things. They said I had $1200 on me when I got here so I got me some running room. I'll find some work and start lookin myself. I do thank you kindly for all help you give me." He shook the doctor's hand and walked out into the sunshine.

(Wyoming)

"Daddy, please, please come with us. It'll be good for you to get out for a while. You never go anywhere or do anything but sit here. Don't you ever wish, for just one minute, that you had a

life; someone to be with? You gotta be so lonely living here like this." she looked around the messy trailer.

"Junior, I had me a life once. It's all gone now. Ain't no goin back; ain't got nothin left in me to try and be with someone else." He shook his head and stared at his muddy boots.

"You're not talkin 'bout Momma are you? I always suspected there was someone else. Just never could figure out why it didn't happen for you." She knew she was treading on toes but figured she had nothing to lose.

"No. I wasn't talkin 'bout your momma. There was someone else. He's gone; dead almost two years now."

Her eyes snapped up to his and he met them straight on.

"Yes. I said 'he'. You hate me now?" He wasn't apologizing; just tired of hiding from the truth.

"Daddy! I could never hate you; you know that, don't you?" she hugged him close. "It was Jack Twist, wasn't it?"

He held her back by the shoulders and asked, "How do you come to know that name?"

"I remember him, Daddy. I met him once. Right after you and Momma got divorced, he came to see you. You used to go fishing with him. I remember how happy and excited you always were when you were getting ready to go off on one of your fishing trips. Is that why Momma hated him so much? I asked her about him once; thinking maybe we could get him to come up here again to cheer you up some. It is him, isn't it?"

He walked away from her, afraid of what he might have seen in her eyes when he answered. "Yeah, it was him. He's dead."

"Oh, Daddy, I'm so sorry. What happened?"

"Killed in an accident, tire blew and got him. Least ways that's what his wife said when I called her and asked."

She went to him and held his hand, like he used to do for her when she was little and sad about something.

"Did you go to the funeral?"

"Nah, didn't find out about it till long after he was in the ground."

"Well did you go visit his grave? Pay your respects?"

"Nah, it ain't around here. It'd be down in Texas."

"Well we should go; you and me, Daddy. Why don't we go?"

"Now we can't do that. It's a long ways away. 14 hour drive, Jack always said."

"Well Kurt just bought me this new car and he's gonna be gone at least a month on this National Guard thing. Why don't we just drive down there? You really should visit his grave, Daddy. It might help give you some closure.

"

(Somewhere in Texas)

"So you don't remember nothing? Yet you think you can sell my tractors and stuff?" the man sitting behind the desk asked him.

"That's right. I know tractors and farm equipment. Know 'em good. Just don't know who I am yet but I'm workin on it."

"OK. I'm in a bind and I need someone, like today. We'll give it a try and see how you handle yourself. You got a place to stay?"

"Yeah; I got a garage apartment down on Moser Street. You won't regret this Mr. Doty. I'm a real good salesman!" They stood and shook hands.

"So, what do I call you? Hope it's not John Doe. That's what they call all those dead people when they find them. You're luckier than they was. At least, when they found you, you was still alive."

"Ennis, call me Ennis Riverton"

"That's a strange name for you to pick. How'd you come by that one?"

"Don't know. There's an Ennis somewhere 'round here by that name, and I can't remember mine. Don't think he'd mind my using it a while."

(Wyoming)

"Just relax Daddy. It's going to be a long drive. Doesn't this car drive like a dream? We'll be there before you know it. We can stop when we get tired and get rooms for the night. We got plenty of time."

"I know honey but I can't help but think this is a wild goose chase. We don't even know where he's buried. How we gonna find that out. There's probably lots of cemeteries in Childress."

"We can always call Mrs. Twist and ask her. Or if you don't want to do that, we can check the city records. He lived there, worked there; there's gotta be some record of his death. We'll get a place to stay for a while; and get things started. I promise you we'll find it." She headed the car on down the road; south towards Texas.

(Somewhere in Texas)

"I heard about this kinda stuff happening, but never did know anybody with amnesia before!" His manager said over coffee. "You were right about one thing though, you sure do know your farm equipment. Sales are up since you been here. Sure wish I could help you find your family, if you got one; seems like somebody'd be lookin for you though."

"Yeah, thought about that. I take it to mean that I don't have family. Least none that's lookin for me or I'd be found by now."

"Never did hear of any Riverton's round here. Did you ever think maybe it wasn't a name but a place? Might be where you come from."

"Yeah; but there's no Riverton in Texas, I checked." he swirled his coffee in his cup and watched the dark muddy circles flow. "Sure wish I could find out."

Beverly, their receptionist, stuck her head in the door and said "I'm goin home. See ya'all tomorrow."

"Hey, Beverly, you ever hear of a place called Riverton; or a family by that name?" The manager called after her.

She stopped and said, "Don't know nobody by that name, but there's a Riverton in Wyoming. My sister lives in Casper and her next-door-neighbor is always talking about Riverton. She was born on a ranch up there somewhere. Night," and she was gone.

"Wyoming sound familiar to you, boy?"

"No. I'll check it out though. Don't know what to ask anyone there. 'Hey, anyone in your town missin? Been missin a coupla years?' Probably just another dead end. 'sides. How would I end up way down here in Texas if I was from Wyomin?" He was not hopeful this would be anything more than another dead end.

(Childress Texas)

"What do you mean there's no record of his death? Are you spellin it right? J-A-C-K T-W-I-S-T. He died about two years ago. You must have some record of it?"

They'd been sitting for hours at the table in their hotel room, calling one place after another. "He lived here in Childress, he worked here and he died somewhere near here. You must have something on his death."

Pause

"OK. Thank you anyway for your time." She hung up the phone. "I'm sorry Daddy. I didn't think it would take this long. Do you want to call Mrs. Twist?"

"No. She suffered enough, losing him. She don't need me around remindin her of the hurt."

"Well, we'll just start calling the cemeteries then. We came all this way and we aren't giving up."

An hour passed, and calls were made to every cemetery in the city and surrounding area. No grave for Jack Twist could be found.

"I just don't get it, Daddy. He's got to be here somewhere."

"Try and see if you can find a cemetery that has the Newsome family plot. They might have put him there. She said they put up a stone for him and kept half his ashes here."

"I got an idea, Daddy. Wait a minute. What's the name of that newspaper over there?"

"Childress Times" he answered, picking the paper up and checking it out. "What you got in your head now girl?"

"Yes," she was talking on the phone, "I need to speak to someone in obituaries."

pause

"Yes, thank you. My Daddy and I drove here all the way from Wyoming to find a relatives grave. His name was Jack Twist and he died here from an accident about two years ago. We don't have the exact date. We just found out about it. We was wondering if you might have someway to check it out for us?"

Pause

"You don't? Well he'd probably be buried in his wife's family plot, the Newsomes. Do you have any idea where they might be?"

Pause

"Yes. That's right. He was the son-in-law of L.D. Newsome."

Pause

"Yes, we're sure. You think we'd come all this way if we wasn't sure he was dead?" She was becoming tired and exasperated.

Pause

"OK. Thanks for checking on it anyway. Bye." She turned to her Daddy. "Something's not right about this, Daddy. He says there hasn't been a burial in the Newsome family plot in more than 10 years. Says his own family plot is nearby and he'd know if anybody'd been put there recently."

She stood up and walked over to him.

"Daddy, you sure about this? You sure he's gone? Seems like there would be something we'd find about him by now."

"I told you, I spoke with his wife. She told me about it. How it happened. Said he was cremated. Kept half the ashes here and sent the rest to his home in Lightning Flat. She said she put up a stone for him."

OK, Daddy. That's the only thing we haven't tried. Let's call the stone makers around here. See if anyone can remember anything."

(Somewhere in Texas)

"Why you wanna go to Childress for? San Antonio is closer? Don't they have the new stuff as well?" He asked his manager.

"I hate San Antonio; too much traffic; too hard to get around. Childress is a nice sized town. A friend of mine just moved up there and has been after me to come visit. I owe him. We was in Nam together. We can just drop in and have a few beers with him. He's a nice guy. You'll like him. Don't take no shit off a nobody. My old lady can't stand him so I haven't been able to go see him. This is the perfect opportunity. There's a dealership there that was top in the state ten years running. Course, they been a little off the past coupla years, but I sure would like to pick up a pointer or two. C'mon. You need to get out a little. It's a business expense; tax deductible." he said the last with a grin and won the debate.

"OK. You wanna go to Childress, we'll go to Childress."

"There's this fella, Jack Twist's, his name. He's been out-sellin everyone around. I wanna talk to him. See I can pick up some pointers. C'mon. Plane leaves in an hour."

(Childress Texas)

"You're sure? You're absolutely sure? I called the other three places listed in the phone book; is there anyplace else around here a body could get a stone made?" She was persistent. "OK. Thank you."

They looked at each other for a few minutes. "My postcard I sent him came back. It had 'deceased' written in red letters across it."

"Anybody could have written that, Daddy, anybody." She didn't like where her thoughts were taking her and she kept them to herself for a time. "Let's go get some lunch. We need to get out of this room for a while."

They drove around until they found a cafeteria; went in and ate.

"It just don't make sense, Daddy. Why can't we find him?"

"Don't know, darlin. Maybe Mrs. Twist was lyin 'bout the stone. Don't know why she'd do that though." They lingered over coffee.

They spent the rest of the afternoon driving round the city and trying to figure things out. It was nearly dark when he talked Junior into stopping at a bar.

"Just one beer, I promise. Gotta get these cobwebs out of my head, so I can think straight."

"OK, Daddy. A beer would be mighty nice right now, but just one."

(Childress Texas)

"You old son of a bitch, I didn't think you was ever comin up here. How the hell are you, Doty?" They were huggin and slapping each other on the back. Patrons at the tables nearby, smiling at the reunion. "C'mon. Sit down. I got us a table here. Who's your friend?"

"This here is Ennis Riverton. Well, not really, but that's a long story. Can you get us some beer over here. We're mighty thirsty."

They all sat down at the table in the back of the crowded bar.

"Riverton, huh? Pretty little gal up at the bar was just sayin she was from Riverton, Wyoming. You from up around there?"

"Don't rightly know." he said, straining to see who he was talking about at the bar.

"You don't know?"

"He's got amnesia. Been out of things a coupla years now. All he can remember is the two names 'Ennis' and 'Riverton'."

"Well, I swear! C'mon. I'll take you over. See if they know you."

The three of them made their way through the crowd up to the bar. "Over there on the end; the pretty little thing in blue. I think that's her daddy with her, in the tan hat."

"Excuse me miss. I overheard you telling the bartender that you was from Riverton. My friend here has amnesia and thinks he might be from there, thought maybe you might know him?"

She turned around and saw the tall, dark haired man step out from behind the man asking the question.

"Oh, my God! Daddy!!!"

Ennis turned around; the bottle of beer he was holding clattered to the bar.

"Jack? JACK!" He seized him in a bear hug, letting go only when he realized the hug wasn't being returned.

"Excuse me. Do I know you?"

"Jack!! It's me. What the hell's goin on here?" he asked the two men with Jack.

"Why don't he know me?"

"You know him? His name is Jack?" Doty asked grinning ear to ear.

"Hell, Yes. I know him. Jack? You OK, bud?" He reached for him again but Jack was reluctant for the touch.

"He's got amnesia. Only thing he can remember is two names 'Ennis' and 'Riverton'. You know his family?"

"I'm his family." Ennis insisted. "I'm Ennis. Ennis del Mar."

"Ennis Del Mar; that does sound familiar. We're family?" Jack said with a slow smile.

"Yes! Yes! Cousin Jack." Junior chimed in giving him a hug. We came all the way from Wyoming looking for you. We was told that you were dead. We came looking for your grave."

"Well, if this don't beat all!" Doty said. "I think this calls for a drink all around."

They took a table near the bar; Jack staring at Ennis not letting his eyes go for a second. Ennis stiff as a board; still in shock, unable to take his eyes away.

This couldn't be Jack. It is Jack. It can't be. It is! His thoughts warred with each other. And here we are in the middle of a crowded bar. Is he pretending? Or dosen't he remember me?

"You don't remember nothin?" Ennis asked accepting the beer that was placed in front of him.

"I'm sorry, I don't. I remember waking up in some clinic; could hardly even talk. That was little over a year ago. I been workin with Doty here down in Brownsville the last six months or so." He

looked from Ennis to Junior and back to Ennis again. "You really my cousin?" he asked.

Ennis gulped and answered the question. "Nope; we wasn't cousins; somethin a lot closer than that."

The others at the table stared from one to the other. Deciding this was a private conversation and a good time for them to take on a game of pool. They left the three of them alone; Jack, Ennis, and Junior.

"Daddy, I'm going to the ladies room. I'll be right back."

"OK honey. You take care now."

She squeezed his shoulder and left them alone.

The music was blaring, people were talking and laughing, an argument in one corner; the usual bar goings-on. The two of them sat there staring at each other.

Jack spoke first. "That true? What you said?" He took a swallow of his beer. "We...more than friends?"

"Uh huh." Ennis answered and wondered why he couldn't think of something intelligent to say.

"Thought so. The way you was lookin at me."

"You got a problem with that?" Ennis eyed him out from under the brim of his hat.

"Nope; just wonderin why you never came lookin for me. I waited and waited in the clinic, thinkin someone would come lookin for me but nobody came."

"I was told you was dead. Your wife said you was killed in an accident."

"I got a wife?" He took a deep breath and sat back in his chair. "Can't imagine me wantin a wife."

"You don't remember me at all?"

"Don't know. The look of you does trigger somethin inside a me. Don't know if it's a memory or not; could be just a reaction. Doc says I may not ever get it all back; or maybe just some of it. I

did remember the name though. The only one I could remember. Had to mean somethin special for that to be the only one I remembered."

"We knew each other a long time. Twenty years now. We had good times and we had bad." He wasn't quite sure where he should start with this.

"The good times must have been pretty good for you to come all this way just to visit my grave."

"Uh huh. I guess this explains why we couldn't find it." He lit a cigarette and handed it to Jack. Lit another one for himself.

"The bad times; they had to do with my wife?"

"Nah. The bad times were mostly when we had to say good bye. We never did much like sayin good bye."

"Then why'd we say it?"

"Because I was a fool; I was scared. Scared someone would find out about us bein together and make trouble for both of us; our families."

"I don't take you to be no fool, Ennis."

"I was sure enough. Each time I let you go back to Texas and your wife. You wanted us to go away together; but I always sent you away. We fought about it; more than once." He shook his head ruefully.

"Did you ever fall to your knees cryin when we was together? I had this dream, seemed so real. Someone was on his knees crying and I was holdin him and I was cryin too. Did that happen?"

"Yeah it did. Last time we was together. You remember that?"

"Not for real. More like it was a dream."

They sat in silence for a while, neither knowing where to go with this next. It was Jack who spoke first again.

"Can we spend some time together? I need to know more; about everything."

"I'm 42 years old Jack." he said lowering his head and smiling up at him. "I figure I got about that many years more left. I can spend as much of that with you as you want."

"Can we get out of this place and go somewhere quiet? Somewhere

private?"

Ennis smiled and stood up. "You bet.! C'mon," they headed for the door, stopping to speak with Junior who was sitting at the bar.

"Go on Daddy. I'll take a taxi back to the motel. We'll talk tomorrow." She had tears in her eyes.

"Where we goin?" Jack asked climbing into the car.

"We got rooms at the Ramada Inn not too far from here. It's nice and quiet there."

"Good," came the quiet reply.

Ennis put the car in gear and headed for the motel. He had always hated Childress; hated it because it kept Jack away from him. SHE lived there. He didn't want to come here; came only to please his daughter, to this hateful miserable little town that he had cursed so many times. And here he was, diving down Main Street with his life given back to him. He reached a hand over to Jack and Jack took it and held on; his eyes shining with tears. He was whole again. In time they both would be.

"It will be different this time, Jack. I swear."

THE END (of Part l of 2 parts)


	2. Chapter 2

Author: Brokeback Mountain

Pairing: Jack and Ennis

Rating: NC-17 FRAO

Disclaimer: These characters belong to Annie Proulx; not me. I simply grovel at her feet.

Summary: Someone wakes up with Amnesia and all he can remember is the name Ennis. Is it his name? A family member or a friend; or even a town? He sets out to find the answers.

AMENSIA (Part 2 of 2 parts)

They drove around back of the Ramada Inn and climbed the steps to their room. It was quiet, like he said it would be. He turned on the lights and they sat down at the small table. Ennis uncapped the bottle of Old Rose they'd stopped to pick up on the way, took a swig and passed the bottle to Jack. He took it, glanced at the glasses sitting near by, and with a puzzled expression took a swig from the bottle.

"We used to do it that way?" he asked.

"Mostly." Ennis sat staring at him.

Jack handed the bottle back. "So, you know all about me then?"

"Don't know as I'd say that. Don't nobody never know all about nobody else." He took the bottle; thumb rubbing up and down the label.

"So tell me about me. Do you know my family?" Jack asked smiling that smile that Ennis remembered so well.

"Ain't got much of a family; your Momma's real nice though."

"You know my Momma? Does she live 'round here? Can we go see her?" Eagerness and hope lit his smile.

"No. They live up in Lightning Flat, Wyoming, long ways from here." Ennis answered.

"Then how'd I come to end up down here in Texas?" He was disappointed but happy and relieved to find out that he did have a family and they were alive out there somewhere. The nagging thought occurred to him, 'why didn't they come find me?'

"Well, you was rodeoing and met Lureen, the gal you married. She's from here in Childress. You got married and settled here."

They were both silent a while, thinking about the wife part of it.

"I got kids?" Jack asked and reached for the bottle for another swig.

"One, a boy; 'bout18 or 19 by now." Ennis answered and took a swig from the bottle Jack offered him.

"So how long we known each other?" he wanted to get back on a subject he was more comfortable with.

"'bout 22 years now."

"Long time."

"Yeah."

"So, you come down here often? Is this where we met?"

"Nah, this my first time out of Wyoming. Needed to come pay my last respects to your grave." A great sigh of relief seeped through him as he realized that sad duty would no longer be necessary.

"What made you think I was dead? Why didn't you come lookin for me sooner? Why didn't my wife? or my folks?" he still needed to know why no one came for him. Bitter memories, alone in his room at the clinic; waiting and wondering; did he matter to no one at all?

"I sent you a post card bout our fishing trip coming up. It came back marked 'Deceased'. Thought it was all over." His voice choked at the last part; remembering that awful moment when those red letters sank into his brain.

"How? Why?" Jack sputtered.

"Don't know. Don't know how you come to be in that clinic either. You weren't hurt or nothin?"

"No. I was just...confused...disoriented. I remember music playing and voices telling me everything was beautiful as long as I did what was expected. It played over and over in my head. I know I was kept strapped down on the bed and no one spoke to me at all except those voices I'd hear." He stopped for a breath and lit a cigarette.

Ennis took one as well, drew deeply on it and sat back in his chair.

"What kind of clinic was it? What's the name? You remember?"

"No. Never heard it mentioned. But they closed it down. Bunch of people came in and took me to another place. A nice room and they fed me and talked to me. Couldn't make them understand what I was sayin for a time; but I got better. They kept askin me all these questions I didn't know the answers to. Still don't. Not to most of them anyway. You say my name was...is Jack Twist? That's the salesman fella that Sam Doty, my boss, wanted to meet. Said he was a

heck of a salesman."

"Yeah, that's what you always told me you were doing." A slow smile curled at the corners of his mouth.

"Everybody thinks I'm dead?" he asked in a small voice.

"Far as I know."

Silence for a time.

"So where did you and I meet?" back to a subject that interested him most.

"We met back in 1963. We was both sheep-herdin up on Brokeback mountain."

"Sheep..." Jack's thoughts drifted back to a calendar he saw in Sam's office. It had a picture of sheep for the month of April and he would often stand and stare at it; didn't know why. Just knew it gave him a sense of belonging. He told Ennis about the calendar.

"That'd make sense. There were a thousand sheep that summer that we were lookin after." His memories drifted back to the mountains; the sheep, but most of all, the tent.

"What?" Jack demanded with a grin. "What were you thinking about just then? You had this great expression on your face."

"It was where we first...you know...got together." Another deep drag on his cigarette; a shy smile crossed his face.

"Oh...OH. Hmmm Yeah...Up there with the sheep?"

"Well not exactly with the sheep standin 'round watchin. We was at base camp, in a tent." Dark eyes locked on to blue; looking for any sign.

"Makes more sense. Wouldn't wanna scare the sheep, now would we?" He joked nervously

"Only ones got scared up there was us." He took another swig from the bottle and passed it to Jack.

He thought on that a bit then said, "22 years ago? We couldn't a been much more than kids."

"We was both 19 then. I was the oldest by two months."

"So you knew more about everythin than I did?"

"Noooo. Not by a long shot. I was greener than a new-born lamb. We never did discuss it but I come to feel you'd been around a bit more than me if you take my meanin."

Jack got up, walked over to the window, pulled back the curtains a bit and looked out into the night. A little nervous now, wondering what he was doing here in this room and wondering where Sam was. He wanted to be here though, wanted to come to know this man who was a stranger to him, yet knew him so well. His curiosity was aroused. He definitely didn't want to leave. He wanted to find out more; had to. But this Ennis Del Mar; he couldn't quite put a finger on what

made him both: drawn to him, to his shy smile and funny way he talked, like he was trying to hold back the words; while at the same time fearful that they shouldn't be here in this room alone. That it might be wrong, being here with him like this.

"So, I seduced you?" Jack asked, his gaze remaining outside the window.

"It wasn't like that. We just sorta...well we was sleepin ...and next thing we knew it was happenin."

"That the only time?"

"Nah, first of many." Ennis answered and came over to stand beside him at the window, keeping a distance between them.

Something about this man; something that burned between them, controlled though, very tightly controlled.

"So...you wrote me a postcard from Wyoming. We was planning a ...meetin? A fishing trip?"

"Yeah. We'd meet up a coupla times a year and go fishin. Sometimes we'd actually fish." He tried to ease the tension a little.

"This was two years ago? You probably took up with someone else by now." Jack walked back to the table and took another swig from the bottle.

Ennis walked over behind him, took the bottle for a swig then sat it back on the table. His hand resting on Jack's shoulder gave a little squeeze. "Nope. There ain't never been any other fella in my life before you, or after you. Never will be."

Jack swallowed the lump in his throat and turned around. He was close now, so close; frightening but familiar, terrified but wanting more.

"You still...want me then, even though I don't remember?" The words, barely above a whisper.

"I'll want you till my last dyin breath. If you remember anything at all, you gotta remember that. And if you don't remember that, then I'll just have to remind you by sayin it over and over again, every day, if you let me. I can promise you this; things will be different this time 'round. We been given a second chance here and I ain't gonna waste it." He pulled Jack into his arms and held him close.

Jack melted against him, into him. THIS is where he belonged. He knew that with every beat of his heart. This man, this Ennis Del Mar, this was his life. He'd finally found his home.

"You sure you wanna do this? You don't even know these people. You sure you wanna go off with them? Sam Doty was concerned not only about losing a talented salesman but a new friend as well.

"Oh yeah!" Jack answered. "I gotta do this, Sam. He's gonna take me to meet my wife and kid; then we're gonna go up to Wyoming and meet my folks. I'm really excited about this. This is what I've been wantin. I got a family! I wanna go see them. Talk to them. Things are coming back; a little here and there. Kinda like dreams I had, long time ago. This might just bring it all back."

"You don't know that." Sam was still worried.

"Don't worry. They're real nice people." he nodded towards Ennis and Junior standing across the parking lot by their car. Jack stood there, thumbs hooked in his jeans loops; anxious to be on his way.

"Well, here's my card. Keep it with you and if you decide to come back, just give me a call. I can always come up with a plane ticket for you." They shook hands and parted; Sam Doty in his rental car, back to the airport and Jack practically galloping across the parking lot and into the back seat next to Ennis.

"Junior and me been talking about this. I think it'd be best if I went and told her first; then brought you along to meet her later. Think it might be too much of a shock, you just walkin up on her. What do you think?" Ennis lit a cigarette and passed it to Jack.

"Whatever you think. I ain't real comfortable thinking I got a wife and kid." He took a deep drag on the cigarette and leaned back; looking out the window. "Can we just make it a quick thing and get on the road? I'd really like to get on up to Wyoming and meet my folks." He was anxious; nervous.

"Sure. You and me both. Don't care none for big cities. Never did. She's supposed to see us in about an hour. Why don't we take you back to the motel before I head over there?"

"No, Daddy. I think we should go along. We can wait out in the car and after you tell her, we'll come on in. I'm sure she'll want to see Jack right away; then we can head on back home. It'll be faster that way." She was talking over her shoulder to them in the back seat.

They looked at each other. "Quickest is best." Jack said.

"OK. What ever you two want. I'm as anxious as you to get back on the road." he smiled to Jack.

They pulled up in front of the gates of the big house. "You sure this the right place Junior?" Ennis asked, shocked by the fancy neighborhood. "Any of this look familiar to you?" he asked Jack.

He shook his head no and seemed just as shocked as the others by the fancy house.

"Well how I'm supposed to get in there with the gate and all?" Ennis asked.

"See that small black box by the gate? You gotta press something in there and announce yourself. Then they open the gates from inside." Junior said.

"OK." he said then looked back before opening the door. "Wish me

luck." He reached for the outstretched hand and squeezed it.

"Quickest is best." Jack repeated; apprehension clear on his face.

Sure enough, there was a black button to push and he announced himself. The gates swung open and he walked through, marveling at the magnificent landscaping surrounding the place. Couldn't believe Jack had been living in a place like this and all these years wanting to leave it and go in on a place with him.

An old woman in a uniform answered the door and showed him into a side room off the main hall. "She'll be right with you."

He stood with hat in hand but it wasn't much of a wait. In minutes she walked into the room and it occurred to him that she was used to making grand entrances like this.

"How do you do, Mr. Del Mar; I'm so pleased to finally meet you." she walked to him with outstretched hand; noticing with disdain his scruffy clothes and dirty boots on her new Persian rug.

"Ma'am." he took her hand and sat on the sofa she gestured towards. "I got some news yesterday and I had to come over to see you. Tell you." He paused, looking her. She was clearly thinking what possible news he might have that would be of interest to her.

He went on. "It's Jack, Ma'am. He ain't dead." He waited for a reaction. There was none. She sat there staring blankly at him.

"It's true. Don't know what happened but he was found in some clinic down near Brownsville. He's got amnesia; can't remember a thing." He stopped for a breath. Quick is best. he kept hearing Jack's words in his mind.

"He's out in the car; waiting."

"How did you find him?" her voice weak but never loosing its composure.

"In a bar...That don't matter now. He's outside, can I bring him in?"

"Of course." she said in that same tone.

He gave her another long look then headed for the front door. He asked the lady in the uniform to open the gates and she did. Junior brought the car to a stop out front; and the two of them got out; both nervous as kittens.

"Everythin OK?" Jack asked meeting Ennis in the foyer.

"Guess so. She's one strange woman, Jack."

The three of them entered the room together. Junior spoke first.

"Hello, Mrs. Twist. My name is Junior, I'm Ennis's daughter." She walked to the woman and shook her hand.

Jack and Lureen stood silently staring at each other; curiosity on his face; total composure on hers.

"Jack." she greeted him. He said nothing, just stared. She was a beautiful woman; he thought. Just like a picture out of a magazine.

She lit a cigarette and offered them one as well. The three of them declined.

"So what now?" she asked looking from one to the other. "You got some plans you're wanting to tell me about?"

"Yeah." Jack was glad to answer. "We're heading up to Wyoming so's I can meet my folks up there. Wanted to meet you and the boy first since we was already here."

"You plan on staying up there or are you coming back here?" Was that hope in her voice? Ennis thought not. There was no love there; memories, maybe, but no love. She didn't want him back. It was a sad fact but he couldn't help but be happy by it.

"Don't know yet. Gotta see Wyoming first. Hopin that might jog my memory a bit." Jack answered, wanting to get on with it so they could leave. "Can I see the boy?"

"He's off with Daddy right now. Won't be back for a coupla weeks. They do love to travel. He musta got that from you."

"Do you know why he was in that clinic?" Ennis asked, not liking this woman at all and wondering what Jack ever saw in her.

"Can't say as I do. Never been to Brownsville." she answered, still staring at Jack.

He began to fidget under her stare. "Well we best be gettin on our way then. I thank you kindly for seein us." he stretched out his hand. She took it briefly.

"Let me know what you decide. There'll be papers to sign and stuff." she walked with them to the door.

"We have your address, Mrs. Twist." Junior said. "You'll be notified if Jack decides to stay in Wyoming." They walked out the door with a nod and a good bye.

"Sure wanted to see my boy." Jack said sadly when they were back on the highway heading north.

"Sorry, 'bout that." Ennis reassured him. "There'll be plenty of time for that. Once you get your memory back. Seeing her didn't bring back nothin?"

"Not a thing. She seemed real nice but boy, was I glad to get out of there!" He heaved a sigh of relief.

"Me too!" Ennis and Junior said in unison.

The drive back to Riverton was uneventful. They stopped half way and took rooms for the night; a single for Junior and a double double for the two of them. They were very polite with each other; giving each other the space and privacy they needed; nothing more than the squeeze of a shoulder or a hand. It was a comfort zone between them that they both respected. A few short conversations between them after lights out but before sleep.

"Did we do this a lot? Stay at motels, I mean." Jack asked.

"Nah; we spent one night in one but mostly we went up in the mountains, camped out."

"Oh; the tent thing," Jack asked from his bed.

"Yeah; the tent thing," Ennis answered, praying for sleep before he did something he knew he shouldn't.

"You know...I can see you and me...together. But I can't for the life of me see me with Lureen."

Ennis smiled into the darkness. "Is that remembering or just ...feeling?"

"Just...a feeling. I'm comfortable with you."

"Comfortabe? Kinda like an old chair?"

"Nah. Comfortable...like...I want to be with you. Doin things together. Eat in a restaurant, go drivin, passin the bottle back and forth. Stuff like that. I don't remember campin with you, but I'll

bet I liked it. Could we do that? Go campin? After we see my folks, I mean. I'd really like that."

"Sure we can. I only been off work four days and I got two weeks. After we see your folks, we can head on up to the mountains."

"Did you always do this? Do everything I wanted?"

"No," regret would always be with him for all the years wasted. "but looks like I'm bein given a second chance to make that right. Things are gonna be different this time."

"Can't imagine it bein all that bad before. Did we fight a lot?"

"We did some. Did the last time we saw each other." his heart was in his throat as he remembered that last fight; threatening and cursing at one another; Jack wishing he could quit him. The pain of that fight still cut him deeply.

"What'd we fight about? Seems like we get along pretty good."

"You wanted to make this...thing between us permanent. Go in on a little place together. I refused".

"Oh." was all he said; all he could get out.

"I was scared, Jack, scared for all of us. You had your family in Childress and you loved that boy of yours so; and I had my family in Riverton and couldn't just up and leave my girls. There were a lot more than just me and you involved in this thing."

"We'll talk more on it later, Ennis; and make decisions when the time comes...Night."

"Night, Jack."

They got an early start in the morning and made it back to Riverton by lunch time. They stopped at Denny's and had lunch then Junior dropped them off at Ennis's trailer.

"Now when you get ready to drive up to Lightning Flat, let me know and you can take my car. That's too far to be driving in that hunk of junk you call a truck!" Junior hugged them both and drove on off.

Ennis was immediately self-conscious about his place. "Not much compared to Lureen's, is it?" He unlocked the door and they went in. He began picking up things and straightening up.

Jack looked around and smiled. "I like it. It's cozy."

"It ain't cozy. It's a piece of shit. But it's my shit, bought and paid for!" He laughed, the tension easing in him.

"It's not shit. Maybe a little dusty, but it ain't shit. Bet you got a bottle of Old Rose around here somewhere, don't'cha?"

"Sure enough do." Ennis answered and got two glasses down and poured them each some.

"Goin back to glasses now, are we?" They sat at the small table.

"Just for special occasions; this is a real special occasion." He clinked their glasses together.

"Thought we'd rest up here tonight then head on up to Lightning Flat in the mornin. Sound OK to you?"

"Yeah, sounds good." His eyes roamed around the place.

"This here dinette folds down into a bed, least ways, it's supposed to. I never had no need to fold it down before. You can take the bed there and I'll sleep here."

"I can sleep here." Jack insisted.

"No. You get the bed. I just put clean sheets on the day before we left. It's all ready. I'll take the dinette."

"Whatever you say," Jack agreed wavering between liking being taken care of, and not liking being told what to do. He'd get that straightened out later.

They ate lunch in Lightning Flat and drove out to the Twist place shortly after. He parked back a ways and at an angle so Jack couldn't be seen from the house. Ennis walked up and was met at the door by Mrs. Twist.

"You came back! I'm so glad. Come on in. I baked blueberry muffins this mornin. I'll put some coffee on." She welcomed him with a small polite hug.

"Good to see you too Mrs. Twist." he followed her into the kitchen but stopped her before she started the coffee.

"I got somethin to tell you. I need you to come over here and sit down." He took her

hand and led her to a chair.

"Land sakes! What you goin on about?" She sat, but was nervous about it.

"It's Jack. He ain't dead." He held on to both of her hands, afraid she might fall out of the chair. She just stared at him.

"Now Ennis...I know the two of you had somethin special between you but we have to face the fact, darling, that he's gone."

He pulled her up and held her by the shoulders. "Somehow, somebody got things mixed up. He's alive and he's right outside."

"He can't be! We got his ashes. We put 'em in our family plot."

"He's got amnesia. He's been in a clinic all this time. Don't remember nothin. Can I bring him in?" He smiled down at her.

"Your serious! He's right outside?" She ran for the door, "Jackie, JACKIE!" she screamed.

He caught her with a warning. "Remember now. He don't remember nothin. Had to tell him his name and everythin."

"Where is he? Where is he? Jackie! Jackie!" she ran to the tall figure jogging up her drive. She shielded her eyes from the sun but stopped dead in her tracks. He stopped arms length from

her. "Jackie!" she cried and threw herself into his arms. They hugged and cried, each trying to soothe the other.

"It's alright Momma. It's alright," he crooned to her.

Ennis watched the two of them and his heart ached as he thought of his own momma and how she used to hold him just like that. It was a happy time though, for all three of them.

"So it's true, son? You don't remember anythin at all" she asked as they settled themselves in the living room. She and Jack on the couch, still holding on to each other; and Ennis on a nearby chair.

"It's true, Momma. I don't remember any of this; he gestured around the room. I don't even know your face. But...I know the feelings...I know I belong somewhere and Ennis tells me you're my

Momma and I feel it. I'm sure it's true. I just don't remember it."

She started to weep again. Jack looked over to Ennis for help. He came over to them and knelt in front of Mrs. Twist.

"Now, there's no need for that. We got him back, didn't we? Ain't that the important thing? We can help him with his rememberin and we can help him make new memories, now can't we?"

"Yes! Yes! Of course! He's alive and he's safe as can be. I just still can't believe it!" She hugged him again.

"It's alright, Momma. Ennis and me are gonna work on it. We're going camping in the mountains. He said we used to do that a lot. Maybe it'll help bring back some memories."

She smiled up at Ennis through her tears. "Oh yes! That's a wonderful idea. You used to talk all the time about how much you enjoyed campin with Ennis. But it don't matter really," she turned

back to her son. "We have you back and that's all that matters; the past is gone anyway. It's the future that counts. We can make new memories Jackie. We can!"

"Is...my father around?" Jack asked, a little anxious about meeting him. Wasn't sure why; but he wasn't looking forward to that

"He's in town. I expect him back shortly. Just went in to check the mail. He's expectin somethin he ordered in a mail-order catalogue."

She stood and wrung her hands. "I'd best go put some coffee on." She hurried to the kitchen.

Ennis put a hand on Jack's shoulder. "You OK?"

"Wow!" he ran his hand through his hair. "She's really great but why am I so nervous about meeting my father?"

"I met him once. He's a tough old bugger." Ennis warned.

"Gee, thanks" Jack grinned back.

"You'll do fine. Just remember; we can walk out that door whenever we want. You don't have to take any shit from him."

The blue eyes darkened at the warning. A shiver ran through him when he heard the truck pull up outside.

"Don't worry. I'll be right here." Ennis squeezed Jack's hand.

"WHAT THE HELL YOU TALKING ABOUT WOMAN!!"

Jack turned from Ennis side and walked into the kitchen.

The old man dropped his hands from his wife's shoulders and stared at his son. "So where the HELL you been? You been hiding out somewhere shacked up with your boyfriend there? You hidin from someone? Why'd you let everyone think you was dead? The law after you?" he railed

at his son.

"Let's go." Ennis spoke softly so only Jack heard.

"I've been in a clinic in Brownsville, Texas. I don't have any memory before six months ago." Jack stammered.

"Yeah. You expect me to believe that? You have any idea what you done to your Momma here sendin her into mournin?"

"I...I had no way of knowin...I would have come sooner but I just found out myself yesterday." He tried to make this man understand. He had a flashback memory to when he first awoke and couldn't communicate with the doctors. He shook his head and tried again.

"I have amnesia. I have no memories of you or her or this place."

"But you have memories of him?" He pointed a finger at Ennis. "I'll just bet you do!"

"John, please..." Mrs. Twist tried to calm her husband. "Ennis is the one who found him and brought him back to us."

"Get tired of him, did you?" he asked with a sneer.

Jack was rigid and began to shake. Ennis put his hand on his arm, "C'mom. Let's go." He turned to Mrs. Twist and said, "We'll see you another time real soon, that's a promise," then

walked Jack out the door.

They were in the car out on the highway before Jack spoke. "He hates me! What could I ever have done to make him hate like that?"

"He's just a hateful old man, Jack. Forget about him. Your Momma's the only one that matters and she loves you to pieces."

"She is wonderful, isn't she." he wiped the tears he hadn't realized were falling down his cheeks.

"That she is...Jackie." he teased.

"She musta called me that when I was a kid. I like it. I like it when she says it." He smiled as they headed back to Riverton.

They warmed themselves by the campfire and passed the bottle of Old

Rose.

"It's so quiet up here. Is it always like this?" Jack took a drink and passed the bottle back.

"Yeah, mostly," then after a bit added, "I'm sorry 'bout what happened with your Pa. You told me before you never did get on with him and he was why you left home so early. Said you never heard a kind word out of his mouth. I believe that's a fact for sure!"

"I just wonder what makes a body that mean?" Jack lit a cigarette and handed it to Ennis. He took it with a grin.

"What?" Jack asked.

"We always used to do that. Light cigarettes and give them to each other. Anything familiar 'bout all this?"

"Not really. It just seemed like the thing to do. I guess you got your own smokes and don't need me givin you mine."

"It's nice. Something we used to do." Ennis tossed another chunk of wood into the fire.

"What else we used to do up here?"

"Aaahh that woudl be tellin now wouldn't it?" Ennis sidestepped that particular question.

Jack cleared his throat and asked it another way. "So what exactly happened in the tent that first night?"

"I told you. Me and you was sleepin and all the sudden it was happenin."

"Just like that?"

"Just like that."

"Gotta be more to it than that. I think I should know."

"Jack there some things you best just remember for yourself." Ennis stood, brushed himself off and started readying for bed.

"It's late." he said. "Let's turn in."

Jack helped secure things for the night and followed Ennis into the tent. They unrolled their bedrolls, pulled their boots off, and lay down.

"The moon always that bright up here?" Jack asked.

"Not always."

"It was that night wasn't it?"

"Don't remember."

"Yes you do. Just don't want to talk about it."

"Night, Jack."

"Night Ennis. Thanks for bringing me up here. It's really beautiful."

"You're welcome."

They laid side by side in silence for a while, neither any where near sleep. Jack rolled over on his side, nearest Ennis. He reached over and took Ennis's hand, just rubbed the back of it for a time.

"It was me wasn't it? Got us started, I mean?"

"You remembin or wonderin?"

"I don't know; wonderin, I guess. It seems like it's somethin I'd do. If I felt then, the way I feel now, it would definitely be somethin I'd do."

"Jack...We probably shouldn't..." that was all the words he got out before warm lips were pressed against his. He gasped for breath. "We should wait..." Another sentence cut off; this time the kiss was deeper.

"You always this hard to get?" Jack murmured between little kisses down the side of Ennis's neck.

"Not no more."

The decision was made. There'd be no more waiting. They had wasted enough time. This was their second chance and they were not going to let it slip away. Ennis had fought this battle for 20 years; and it was time to end it. He gave up; and in doing so; he won. It wouldn't be easy, he knew that, but whatever came to them, they would face it together. Whatever harsh reality they would have to face, couldn't be as bad as the lie he'd been living. And Jack? Jack was

home. He knew it. Whether he got his memories back or not, didn't matter anymore. He was where he was supposed to be and all was right in his world again.

THE END


End file.
